We had officially reached the dregs on The Voice UK.

A horrifying concept I know, not to say hard to picture considering how bad the ‘good’ contestants sound.

But talent shows like The Voice front-load any half-decent entrants in to the early episodes of a series – to establish an audience immediately. 

Week SIX of the Auditions: Even Will.i.am, Olly Murs, Jennifer Hudson, and Sir Tom Jones thought most of the contestants were not worth turning for on

Week SIX of the Auditions: Even Will.i.am, Olly Murs, Jennifer Hudson, and Sir Tom Jones thought most of the contestants were not worth turning for on

Week SIX of the Auditions: Even Will.i.am, Olly Murs, Jennifer Hudson, and Sir Tom Jones thought most of the contestants were not worth turning for on

So by the sixth week of the auditions, we were scraping the bottom of a barrel that was nearly empty in the first place.

Sir Tom Jones, Jennifer Hudson, Olly Murs, and Will.i.am obviously thought so too.

Even the show’s grand finale (Tesni Jones belting out AC/DC’s Highway To Hell) proved a damp squib, inspiring just two of the four coaches to press their buzzers. 

Disappointing: Even the show’s grand finale (Tesni Jones belting out AC/DC’s Highway To Hell) proved a damp squib

Disappointing: Even the show’s grand finale (Tesni Jones belting out AC/DC’s Highway To Hell) proved a damp squib

Disappointing: Even the show’s grand finale (Tesni Jones belting out AC/DC’s Highway To Hell) proved a damp squib

This was the one time in the whole show that more than a single mentor was interested in a contestant.

Only Olly Murs considered Bailey Nelson and Jilly Riley worth recruiting – and belatedly too. 

The same went for Will.i.am with Wesu Wallace and Tom Jones for Courtney O’Neil so Will and Jennifer Hudson turned for only one of the eight performers.

Pensive: So by the sixth week of the auditions, we were scraping the bottom of a barrel that was nearly empty in the first place

Pensive: So by the sixth week of the auditions, we were scraping the bottom of a barrel that was nearly empty in the first place

Pensive: So by the sixth week of the auditions, we were scraping the bottom of a barrel that was nearly empty in the first place

Not so Smillie: ‘So I live at home with my parents and my two dogs and my mum is Carol Smillie,’ Jodie introduced herself in her VT, a quote that was better than her version of the Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris

Not so Smillie: ‘So I live at home with my parents and my two dogs and my mum is Carol Smillie,’ Jodie introduced herself in her VT, a quote that was better than her version of the Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris

Not so Smillie: ‘So I live at home with my parents and my two dogs and my mum is Carol Smillie,’ Jodie introduced herself in her VT, a quote that was better than her version of the Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris

You could see why too. If anything the lucky performers were inferior to Jess Herring, Michael Harrison, Keilah Miller, and Jodie Knight who struck out.

‘So I live at home with my parents and my two dogs and my mum is Carol Smillie,’ Jodie introduced herself in her VT, a quote that was better than her version of the Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris.

Courtney O’Neil’s high-pitched country and western warbling was…unusual.

Poor judgement: If anything the lucky performers were inferior to Jess Herring, Michael Harrison, Keilah Miller, and Jodie Knight who struck out

Poor judgement: If anything the lucky performers were inferior to Jess Herring, Michael Harrison, Keilah Miller, and Jodie Knight who struck out

Poor judgement: If anything the lucky performers were inferior to Jess Herring, Michael Harrison, Keilah Miller, and Jodie Knight who struck out

Country act: Courtney O’Neil’s high-pitched country and western warbling was…unusual

Country act: Courtney O’Neil’s high-pitched country and western warbling was…unusual

Country act: Courtney O’Neil’s high-pitched country and western warbling was…unusual

Blonde ambition: Her version of When You Say Nothing At All sounded like Betty Boo with a Texas accent, even though Courtney came from Carlisle

Blonde ambition: Her version of When You Say Nothing At All sounded like Betty Boo with a Texas accent, even though Courtney came from Carlisle

Blonde ambition: Her version of When You Say Nothing At All sounded like Betty Boo with a Texas accent, even though Courtney came from Carlisle

‘People are very surprised when they hear the way I sing,’ she said in her VT and now we could see why. 

Her version of When You Say Nothing At All sounded like Betty Boo with a Texas accent, even though Courtney came from Carlisle.

‘You have a very HONEST sounding voice,’ said Tom Jones (the only coach who wanted her). ‘And very much in tune’ – the opposite of what her ersatz squeal really was.

Surprised: ‘I can’t believe I’m on Tom Jones’ team !’ Courtney cheered and she wasn’t the only one

Surprised: ‘I can’t believe I’m on Tom Jones’ team !’ Courtney cheered and she wasn’t the only one

Surprised: ‘I can’t believe I’m on Tom Jones’ team !’ Courtney cheered and she wasn’t the only one

Over zealous: With the quality of the vocals uniformly poor, the real rivalry came with the candidates competing for the award for the most over-the-top statement

Over zealous: With the quality of the vocals uniformly poor, the real rivalry came with the candidates competing for the award for the most over-the-top statement

Over zealous: With the quality of the vocals uniformly poor, the real rivalry came with the candidates competing for the award for the most over-the-top statement

‘I can’t believe I’m on Tom Jones’ team !’ Courtney cheered and she wasn’t the only one.

With the quality of the vocals uniformly poor, the real rivalry came with the candidates competing for the award for the most over-the-top statement before we found out what they actually sounded like.

‘Today’s just a massive day !’ enthused Michael Harrison. ‘I feel like it’s everything that I’ve been waiting for. It could be life changing.’

Struck out: ‘Today’s just a massive day !’ enthused Michael Harrison. ‘I feel like it’s everything that I’ve been waiting for. It could be life changing’

Struck out: ‘Today’s just a massive day !’ enthused Michael Harrison. ‘I feel like it’s everything that I’ve been waiting for. It could be life changing’

Struck out: ‘Today’s just a massive day !’ enthused Michael Harrison. ‘I feel like it’s everything that I’ve been waiting for. It could be life changing’

Unfortunate: Talk about tempting fate -  The levels of delusion were phenomenal

Unfortunate: Talk about tempting fate -  The levels of delusion were phenomenal

Unfortunate: Talk about tempting fate –  The levels of delusion were phenomenal

Talk about tempting fate.

The levels of delusion were phenomenal.

‘I want to perform with Tina Turner and Beyonce ! I want all three of us on stage together !’ cooed Keilah Miller beamed.

It’s good to have a dream of course, but probably not this one. She looked the part but had no singing voice at all.

‘I want to travel Europe. Do a big tour – go to Poland, Spain, Japan…Is that in Europe?’

To be honest she didn’t need to worry about it.

I’ve no idea what unemployed 18 year-old Bailey Nelson even meant when he boasted: ‘I’ve taught myself how to sing from YouTube !’

Self starter: I’ve no idea what unemployed 18 year-old Bailey Nelson even meant when he boasted: ‘I’ve taught myself how to sing from YouTube !’

Self starter: I’ve no idea what unemployed 18 year-old Bailey Nelson even meant when he boasted: ‘I’ve taught myself how to sing from YouTube !’

Self starter: I’ve no idea what unemployed 18 year-old Bailey Nelson even meant when he boasted: ‘I’ve taught myself how to sing from YouTube !’

Not sure: Even the one coach who thought he had learnt anything (Olly Murs) admitted: ‘I don’t think it was his BEST performance…’

Not sure: Even the one coach who thought he had learnt anything (Olly Murs) admitted: ‘I don’t think it was his BEST performance…’

Not sure: Even the one coach who thought he had learnt anything (Olly Murs) admitted: ‘I don’t think it was his BEST performance…’

Even the one coach who thought he had learnt anything (Olly Murs) admitted: ‘I don’t think it was his BEST performance…’

Wesu had flown over from Barbados on his own, solely to perform on the show.

‘Leaving Barbados is a risk,’ he insisted gravely.

‘You came over from Barbados? That was a big risk,’ Olly Murs concurred, trying to look solemn but without explaining why. I was pretty sure Wesu could always fly back.

Belted out: Jilly Riley was thankfully more balanced

Belted out: Jilly Riley was thankfully more balanced

Belted out: Jilly Riley was thankfully more balanced

'Sounded great': She also had regular hippy jamming sessions at home, improvising on percussion banging ‘horse-shoes, pans, anything !

'Sounded great': She also had regular hippy jamming sessions at home, improvising on percussion banging ‘horse-shoes, pans, anything !

‘Sounded great’: She also had regular hippy jamming sessions at home, improvising on percussion banging ‘horse-shoes, pans, anything !

Jilly Riley was thankfully more balanced.

‘Every point in my life musically so far has been leading towards this,’ she stated, referring to her volunteer work singing, ‘interacting’, and playing guitar to the kids in Wakefield’s Primary School.

She also had regular hippy jamming sessions at home, improvising on percussion banging ‘horse-shoes, pans, anything ! I have used a plug adaptor played with a bank card ! It sounded great !’

Risky: Wesu had flown over from Barbados on his own, solely to perform on the show. ‘Leaving Barbados is a risk,’ he insisted gravely

Risky: Wesu had flown over from Barbados on his own, solely to perform on the show. ‘Leaving Barbados is a risk,’ he insisted gravely

Risky: Wesu had flown over from Barbados on his own, solely to perform on the show. ‘Leaving Barbados is a risk,’ he insisted gravely

Tricky: ‘You came over from Barbados? That was a big risk,’ Olly Murs concurred, trying to look solemn but without explaining why. I was pretty sure Wesu could always fly back

Tricky: ‘You came over from Barbados? That was a big risk,’ Olly Murs concurred, trying to look solemn but without explaining why. I was pretty sure Wesu could always fly back

Tricky: ‘You came over from Barbados? That was a big risk,’ Olly Murs concurred, trying to look solemn but without explaining why. I was pretty sure Wesu could always fly back

Actually it sounded just as awful as you’d imagine.

Her wimpy acoustic version of Free’s All Right Now was trumped by Tesni Jones’ rendition of Highway To Hell.

She was no Bonnie Tyler but the producers deemed Tesni the best act of the night. They had given her the ‘prestigious’ slot closing the show and the back-story about The Voice representing a chance to return to singing after her prospects had been derailed by making the selfless sacrifice of looking after their own baby/half a dozen kids.

Tonight's best: She was no Bonnie Tyler but the producers deemed Tesni the best act of the night.

Tonight's best: She was no Bonnie Tyler but the producers deemed Tesni the best act of the night.

Tonight’s best: She was no Bonnie Tyler but the producers deemed Tesni the best act of the night.

In the past, this tragic tale has been told by a member of singers who might have missed out on touring with David Essex or had to quit the eighth incarnation of the Sugababes.

Tesni said she loved being a mum (‘obviously’) ‘but there was always something niggling inside me. I just feel like I still have something to give.’

By this it transpired that she meant returning to her job as a singer on a cruise liner, which she had been forced to leave when her son was born – all of two and a half years ago.

Reprisal: They had given her the ‘prestigious’ slot closing the show and the back-story about The Voice representing a chance to return to singing

Reprisal: They had given her the ‘prestigious’ slot closing the show and the back-story about The Voice representing a chance to return to singing

Reprisal: They had given her the ‘prestigious’ slot closing the show and the back-story about The Voice representing a chance to return to singing

Jennifer Hudson told Tesni she would help her dream come true and make the young boy proud of his mum by recruiting her to Team J-Hud.

‘Having my son and meeting my partner were the best moments in my life,’ Tesni beamed. ‘But this is definitely up there.’

If making it into the Battles round is up there with the birth of her son, who know if she wins The Voice UK it might even surpass it.

Talented: Tesni said she loved being a mum (‘obviously’) ‘but there was always something niggling inside me. I just feel like I still have something to give’

Talented: Tesni said she loved being a mum (‘obviously’) ‘but there was always something niggling inside me. I just feel like I still have something to give’

Talented: Tesni said she loved being a mum (‘obviously’) ‘but there was always something niggling inside me. I just feel like I still have something to give’

 



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